aslkdjgad….
lately i’ve been thinking about time. how fast a day goes, an hour, a minute. a year …
time makes people grow closer, draws people apart. over time styles change, places change, a lot of things change really.
but people don’t really change. in some ways, but not really. i have grown in many ways and changed in little ways, but really for my whole life i’ve always been me..i’ve always been hope.
we always feel like we need a way to measure time, too. we organize events in our lives in “chapters.” one chapter in my life is ending now and another is about to begin. i’m wondering where i will be in a year from now..in 3 months from now..where we will live, etc. etc. and i’m anxious for the time in between now and then to pass because i hate waiting and not knowing.
this time of year has always been a time of excitement for me. excitement for school to be over and for summer to start..for blooming lilacs and long summer nights and baseball games and sun dresses and ice cream. well this year is different. now i feel anxious - and not in a good way.
i don’t know what’s next. and there is no way to stop or slow down…the clock just keeps ticking. What if I don’t have a job by September? What if I get a teaching job, but don’t like it? i don’t want to feel…stuck.
i don’t want to get stuck. with time just moving on and on and on and on…
right now, I am so scared that one day i will wake up and look back on my life and realized that I never accomplished any of my dreams. and that there won’t be any more time left to pursue them.
I know one thing though - I know that God is so much bigger than my fears. sometimes it’s hard for me to grasp. like right now. but he is bigger than I can fathom.
so.
i am just going to keep praying. I will just pray that God sees and knows the desires and dreams of my heart. and trust that He will answer my prayers and lead me in the direction of my dreams.
